Bun Butter & Jam

Bun Butter & Jam...

I remember the little bakery in the neighbourhood where I grew up and the Bun Butter & Jam that I used to binge on. The Buns were never fresh, or smelt great... but there was always something very exciting about bun Butter & Jam. The ones made at home never had the taste of the local bakery... though Buns were always fresher... Butter of a better quality and Jam was branded... It was never the same.

We ordered it in office yesterday and it just brought back a whole lot of memories for me. I was always someone with a sweet tooth... though Ive kind of lost it somewhere. When I was really young I used to clean up Big Bars of Chocolate... Crackle, Milky Bar & Dairy Milk were favorites. There are boxes of Cashew Katlis Ive cleaned up and never bothered about it.

But somewhere Ive lost that tooth... Sweets dont comfort me, its not my comfort food... It never was, it was just something that I completely relished & Liked to eat, if I had sweets I never missed a meal... I could eat sweets for Lunch & dinner & breakfast . Like all young girls I passed through the phase when one starts putting on weight and you start cutting off all unnecesaary stuff like sweets, chocolates and fried stuff.

I have lots of friends who say chocolate or sweets are comfort foods, but finishing off a bar of chocolate has not given me that pleasure ever. I sat down to wonder why? I can no longer wolf down bars or boxes. I think... now that Im depressed and sad the last thing thats going to make me feel better is putting on weight and feeling fat and ugly... at least let me not make things worse for myself by going down that road

I think Ive killed that sweet tooth over the years, worrying about the weight that I will put on. Its not even about letting go... I cant let go, as its a ticking clock at the back that tells me I shouldnt be eating that Junk and adding kilos to my already very "healthy" body.

In many ways Its a good thing my eating is more healthy, I will keep diabetes at bay... blah blah blah... all those nice things about health. But I guess somewhere its not only the death of a sweet tooth ... but somewhere Ive killed the spirit of letting go....

Im not cribbing about the fact that I cant let go... Im happy not letting go.. Whoever said letting go is a good thing ... What is letting go anyway? Now answering that question is another discussion altogether so there is no point going down that lane now.

So in effect we always associate certain foods, smells, lanes movies with memories, they are nice memories... Im anyway thinking back on the days of the sweet tooth, and in some ways maybe im deprived (I dont know) but Ive learnt not to let go... & Im not unhappy about that either... Its just about looking back at those days of yore and wondering... My God Could I actually do that... though ive shifted interests to spicy food... I can wolf down Andhra Meals or any meals So I think what I have basically done is re chanelising my food preferences.... so theres no deprivation... Its just about yennjoying good food... and maybe i just satiated my sweet tooth... :)

When are we truly happy!

Are we ever truly happy? Satisified? Are'nt we really greedy as human beings, that whatever we get.. we always want more. Whether Professionaly or Personally.

I have a great job, Im earning 4 times of what I used to, at the same time two years back... I should be very happy. I have a whole new wardrobe, I have a family that loves me a lot., A bunch of great friends, but Im always thinking of what I do not have.

So I asked myself what would make my life perfect? A relationship, A marriage? A luxury vaction? I really dont know... more satisfaction at work... I really dont know there's a nagging feeling thatn all is fine... its great, but there is something that can make my life bitter.

Like a friend of mine tells me.. I basically have a problem, I can never be too happy and think that all is fine, and be satisfied, I search with a microscope for reasons to be upset about. I like to disagree as I "think" Im a happy person by nature, but deep down I think Im just a cribber and greedy. Maybe its a female trait or a family trait... whatever trait it is, its not a nice trait...

But in a way its a good thing... Im on a search and never feel complacent, Im searching for something which I think will make life worthwhile rather than mere existence. As for an answer to the question "When are we truly happy" ... Well I guess we are truly happy when we choose to be happy and feel fulfilled in some aspect of life, even with something as small as a Chocolate that we have been craving for! Happiness is in my head and what I make of it.

Why Ant & the Grasshopper? There are several stories that you go through, some for academic reasons & some for recreation, though I do have a lot of favorite stories, books that I like to cuddle into, ome story that I feel so true to life is Maugham's "Ant & The Grasshopper"

The Aesops fable of the Ant & The Grasshopper is conventional and what we are taught and conditioned to think that ... honesty & hardwork is always rewarded and people who procrastinate are victimes of divine justice.... This is true of what are parents tell us, as well as what our teachers tell us.

Though Maughams take is complete volte face, telling us that the lazy grasshopper can actually strike it big if he is smart.

I like the story, though it has never inspired me to be the grasshopper. Its scary to be the grasshopper, to take that chance not to be prepared for the futures... I like being the ant, it makes me feel more secure. Whether it is saving money for a rainy day, or working hard, but yes I've seen many grasshoppers flit past. I always wonder if the grasshoppers are happier than me... more satisfied than me... more secure than me. Guess its the classic case of "Grass is greener on the other side"

I like that story, I know Im saying it again... but somewhere it tells me that there is no right or wrong way of being. One can be successful or at peace whether they are the ant or the grasshopper... Eventually it is an approach and to each their own...